So, there is another perk to coming to Utah. Instead of driving home tired and late, we are staying on the way at Nefi and Kathy's house. I'm grateful for all of our friends who have supported us, and these friends in particular have been dear. It's been a nice visit, thank you.
I think it is harder to believe in God when he doesn't give you what you want. In dealing with a theocracy, it doesn't really matter what you want. It doesn't matter, either, if everyone here votes that this has gone on way too long, and that God should fix this up nice, neat, and right now. If you're going to really believe in God, it only matters what God wants.
Up close, I feel like giving God up. I'm sick and tired of having no control, living moment to moment, and yo-yoing all over the place. I've wondered in the past how a person could not believe in God. I can't articulate exactly why, but I understand much deeper, now, how a body could be so frustrated into losing their perspective; losing their faith. It's actually tempting.
I don't have to back away very far, though, to see God's fingerprints all over this situation. We've just been so blessed, so very blessed. I have to trust that He is in control, He is working for our best good, and we won't be abandoned.
I guess I need to back up a bit more than that in order to be grateful. While it's nice that the drain didn't need to be changed, I'm so frustrated that Scott still has near constant, expletive drain pain that will not be going away until transplant; and that transplant promises to be no picnic. If nothing else, I can always be grateful that time passes, that this will pass.
I wonder how good all this would look if I backed up all the way to New York.
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5 comments:
hang in there!! we are daily praying for you and your family!!
Dear Scott and Brenda,
New York would be a nice get away but a little cold this time of year I think.
I sincerely wish I could give you a date and time for the transplant. It would be neat and tidy for everyone, but of course that is not the way it all works.
I pray daily that it will be soon, very soon! But have to end with thy will be done and have faith that it is better His way.
I also pray daily that your burden will be lightened and you both will have the strength to endure. You both have been amazing!
Just think one day not too far away you will be able to look back and you will see how very far you and your family have come. Maybe it will be like labor.... you forget about the bad parts once that baby is in your arms.
I think of you and your family often throughout the day. So give yourself a hug from me.
Love always, Em and family
Lets back up together to say.... Italy.. or New Zealand?
(;
I have been meaning to tell you what beautiful things Scott said about you when we last visited by phone. About how he didn't know you could love someone this much, or that his love could become so intense in the tangle of all this mess. He spoke so tenderly and in awe of you that it made me cry. (although I cry so easily that may not be the best way to show the power of his words)
I really was touched Brenda and know that one of the blessings from all of this is a husband who daily sees more of your soul and loves you more intensely because of it.
p.s. I put an order in for a liver for next monday.(I have little pull though)
I'd like to start a betting pool for the day the call comes. The cash can go to the "Brenda Backs up Real Far after Transplant" fund. (aka a fun trip) Let me know what you think.
You're both right. New Zealand is a much better choice over New York. Isn't it summer there, right now?
I still vote that transplant should be been on September 20th, 2007, so I don't think I would win the bet.
Just curious, do you think I would need to pay tithing on something like a betting pool?
No on the tithing....it seems like this one would have some sort of dispensation or something.
OR if you pay the tithing.... more people will bet?
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