There's no way to indulge a comfortable nervous breakdown if the neighbors are all privy to every warped thought that crosses my page. I doubt blogging was ever meant to be a performance art where your entries are timely matched with "hope you feel better soon" cookies......... uh, thanks for the cookies.
I tried to stop writing...... can't.
I tried diluting it a bit; soften it out....... find it grossly unsatisfying.
The year has been many things; painful to say the least, but not in vain. I've been so grateful for this venting medium; grateful for all of you, your support and prayers. God has been so kind in sparing my family. Thank you for seeing us through the miracle.
So, my loves, I guess this is where I get off. It has been a thrilling, white knuckle ride, but good things do end at some point; this being as good a point as I can find.
God bless,
Brenda
P.S. I suppose, that if you were not a neighbor or relative, I would consider inviting you to my new, private blog(requests can be submitted to bbfranson@mac.com). After all, what's the fun of blogging if no one is there to catch the spew.
Friday, June 27, 2008
So, we're home, surrounded by the big, blue IKEA bags of clothes and stuff we had at Jan's house. There are things that need to be addressed immediately, but the general scream of the situation is distracting to the point of insanity.
This all reminds me of being little, when we would come home from camping with the whole family. It would take a week to put everything away. I should call my mother. She would empathize.
This all reminds me of being little, when we would come home from camping with the whole family. It would take a week to put everything away. I should call my mother. She would empathize.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
We're home
We are so grateful the house and yard is in fabulous shape. Super thanks to all our wonderful neighbors. I plan on never moving. I love it here.
So grateful to be home, although something seems to have died in our house while we were gone. I opened the windows hoping it is just stale air.
I'm a tad overwhelmed with all the getting back to normal life. I may spend the rest of the week with my head in the pillows. I find if you anticipate and embrace the insanity, it goes away much faster. There's less guilt when you plan on being dysfunctional.
Emalee is at Kathy's with her kids till the 4th of July, so there will be plenty of cousin fun to entertain JA and C while I unpack and sort things out.
So grateful to be home, although something seems to have died in our house while we were gone. I opened the windows hoping it is just stale air.
I'm a tad overwhelmed with all the getting back to normal life. I may spend the rest of the week with my head in the pillows. I find if you anticipate and embrace the insanity, it goes away much faster. There's less guilt when you plan on being dysfunctional.
Emalee is at Kathy's with her kids till the 4th of July, so there will be plenty of cousin fun to entertain JA and C while I unpack and sort things out.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
And you live in Nevada because.............
We drove hundreds of miles through the salt flats with little relief. I guess there was that shack covered hole for the truckers who didn't want to pee off the side of their rig, but I highly discourage drinking 20 ounces of anything before trekking to Elko.
So, all of Nevada rated between toe jam and bellybutton lint until Katie and Ric took us up the canyon behind their house, where it turned into a Yosemite National Park, only unspoiled by all the traffic. Suddenly, I wanted to live there, next to the Ruby Mountains, and pan for gold; an improvement over my visions of ending up as bleached bones on the desert. The enhanced perspective transformed the return desert to an art palette. Exquisite.
Katie and Ric will bring the girls back to Idaho on their way to the Hammer family reunion. Dawn and Mark are taking JA and C to John and Kathy's on their way to Canada. We are looking forward to our dr appointment tomorrow, quite hopeful for a discharge from Utah in general. I can't hardly wait to be a real family in our real, messy house, again.
So, all of Nevada rated between toe jam and bellybutton lint until Katie and Ric took us up the canyon behind their house, where it turned into a Yosemite National Park, only unspoiled by all the traffic. Suddenly, I wanted to live there, next to the Ruby Mountains, and pan for gold; an improvement over my visions of ending up as bleached bones on the desert. The enhanced perspective transformed the return desert to an art palette. Exquisite.
Katie and Ric will bring the girls back to Idaho on their way to the Hammer family reunion. Dawn and Mark are taking JA and C to John and Kathy's on their way to Canada. We are looking forward to our dr appointment tomorrow, quite hopeful for a discharge from Utah in general. I can't hardly wait to be a real family in our real, messy house, again.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Partied out
Her little body couldn't hold any more of the tension. It spilled over in crocodile tears lasting a good half hour. I held her till she found her smile and skipped away.
The summer is filling out for the kids. The girls still have a 10 day stint at my sister's house in Nevada. There's a tentative cousin fishing trip, and then helping Grandpa build at the cabin for John August. Charlotte will be here with us, to keep us laughing, but if she doesn't hold up, I may send her to Kathy's where Dawn's girls are staying.
The kids are all having a great time, but they're tired, and want to go home. Who can blame them for craving a routine and their own messes. Jan and Bill's house has been a party, but I think everyone's a bit partied out. Too bad it's only half over. I hope they can hold out for today's agenda: Sam visiting with her family from Colorado, lunch, swimming, dinner. We'll see.
The summer is filling out for the kids. The girls still have a 10 day stint at my sister's house in Nevada. There's a tentative cousin fishing trip, and then helping Grandpa build at the cabin for John August. Charlotte will be here with us, to keep us laughing, but if she doesn't hold up, I may send her to Kathy's where Dawn's girls are staying.
The kids are all having a great time, but they're tired, and want to go home. Who can blame them for craving a routine and their own messes. Jan and Bill's house has been a party, but I think everyone's a bit partied out. Too bad it's only half over. I hope they can hold out for today's agenda: Sam visiting with her family from Colorado, lunch, swimming, dinner. We'll see.
Friday, June 20, 2008
"I can't eat papaya. It smells like farts.............. it tastes like farts, too."
My experience is lacking in this area. I've decided not to pursue the conversation, but will file it away with the bijillion other foods he will not eat. It's fortunate to find out these things ahead of time, as opposed to at the dinner table. Not that I had planned on serving it anytime soon, it's just good information.
We are running to a store downtown to purchase ink for Scott's printer. It makes me so happy to see him alive and excited about projects.
The kids are still in pajamas watching movies. It is a vacation; let them enjoy. I think I will set a bit of food out and let them graze while we're gone, but take Charlotte with us. We'll do a few token jobs to keep them out of trouble when we get back.
My experience is lacking in this area. I've decided not to pursue the conversation, but will file it away with the bijillion other foods he will not eat. It's fortunate to find out these things ahead of time, as opposed to at the dinner table. Not that I had planned on serving it anytime soon, it's just good information.
We are running to a store downtown to purchase ink for Scott's printer. It makes me so happy to see him alive and excited about projects.
The kids are still in pajamas watching movies. It is a vacation; let them enjoy. I think I will set a bit of food out and let them graze while we're gone, but take Charlotte with us. We'll do a few token jobs to keep them out of trouble when we get back.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
There's not anything more satisfying than reading to your 4 year old till she falls asleep in the crook of your arm. I'm so grateful to have the children here. What a joy to have them close.
Scott's well, but tires easily; no complaints whatsoever. He has three book dummies almost ready to send out and is excited. Whew, I thought he had gone forever, but he's back...... he's really back.
Scott's well, but tires easily; no complaints whatsoever. He has three book dummies almost ready to send out and is excited. Whew, I thought he had gone forever, but he's back...... he's really back.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
I wanted to show our surgeon that his strenuous efforts to develop the cholangiocarcinoma protocol were not wasted, so I took the kids with us to clinic, this afternoon. I also wanted to give the whole transplant team a sense of what they have saved. I'm grateful for all their hard work....... and it was fun to show the kids off; they were adorable.
Monday, June 16, 2008
a rat
The kids are back in Springville; we will pick them up tomorrow night after the children's literature conference. Till then, I am left to leisure and contemplate the what now's that have been so long denied. It's a pleasant place to be.
I am not entirely left to my own devices. I did mow the lawn, and run an errand for Jan so as to be not a total waste of skin.
Jan and Bill's backyard menagerie is now complete; they have a dancing rat. Seriously, it chases the quail, rolls around the grass, jumps around the bushes; all the while aware that you are nearby watching it. It borders the realm of adorable, but Bill is not impressed; a rat is a rat.
I am not entirely left to my own devices. I did mow the lawn, and run an errand for Jan so as to be not a total waste of skin.
Jan and Bill's backyard menagerie is now complete; they have a dancing rat. Seriously, it chases the quail, rolls around the grass, jumps around the bushes; all the while aware that you are nearby watching it. It borders the realm of adorable, but Bill is not impressed; a rat is a rat.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
marvelous
It's more fun to write if you have angst. There's joy in putting down and leaving it there forever; a monument to pain.
Unfortunately, I do not have any frustration whatsoever at this moment. This blog might be boring from now on. The soap opera you have so faithfully attended may have just fizzled out into the contentments.
We just spent a heavenly weekend with the kids. It was simply wonderful; marvelous, really......... marvelous.
Unfortunately, I do not have any frustration whatsoever at this moment. This blog might be boring from now on. The soap opera you have so faithfully attended may have just fizzled out into the contentments.
We just spent a heavenly weekend with the kids. It was simply wonderful; marvelous, really......... marvelous.
Friday, June 13, 2008
worrying over cupcakes
On Friday, June 13, 2008, at 01:06AM Sam wrote:
hi brenda,
my insomnia is back, but now i'm not worrying about scott! i've always wanted to go to the food show --how fun! i can't believe that scott is already out and about wandering through the food show! amazing! how are you doing with your ptd? are the kids bringing you back to 'normal' --or the new version of normal?
i'm now worrying whether i should take 84 cupcakes or a big sheet cake (or two) to ms. mayer's wedding shower. ms. mayer is the kindergarten teacher and our current nanny (fabulous) --they've invited all of the kids (and parents) from the last 2 years. either way, I'll order the cake/cupcakes, but i may have to get the cake from cosco, which will require a special trip (no one else seems to have rosebud cakes -if needed, see jan for a definition...). cupcakes will likely cost more and be difficult to move, but are easier to serve, especially for almost 1st graders, and don't require plates and forks? i wonder how much a dozen cupcakes costs or even 7 dozen cupcakes... cupcakes always remind me of grandma franson --chocolate. yummm.
at least the wedding shower isn't at my house --i wouldn't sleep for a month!
time for a glass of milk (sans cupcake, unfortunately) and 2 aspirin.
hugs,
sam
-------------
Hi Sam,
I am doing well. Scott is doing fabulous, although dealing with a few medication side effects. It's nothing that can be helped, but hopefully will go away as they reduce the anti rejection drugs.
I think it a good sign that you are worrying over cupcakes. It tells me everything else is pretty close to being OK, or else you'd be worrying about that.
Once, I told my friend that I was glad she was complaining about the neighbor's dog, because that meant her marriage was doing fine. I'm not, perhaps, the most tactful person in the world, because we haven't talked much since. Perhaps, I owe her an apology.
Anyway, I'm not saying you are complaining. I'm just saying it's natural to concentrate on the most pressing issue, and I'm a bit jealous that my most pressing issue isn't transporting cupcakes.
Isn't there another mother going that could help with that? What about Ms. Mayer's mother? I don't think they'd travel well on the roof, but maybe. Hmmmmmm........
Things must be fine here, too, or else I wouldn't be thinking about it. Yes, things are actually going quite well. I think I better try harder to enjoy it. I never know when it will get jerked away. I definitely need to switch to enjoy mode.
loves,
b
hi brenda,
my insomnia is back, but now i'm not worrying about scott! i've always wanted to go to the food show --how fun! i can't believe that scott is already out and about wandering through the food show! amazing! how are you doing with your ptd? are the kids bringing you back to 'normal' --or the new version of normal?
i'm now worrying whether i should take 84 cupcakes or a big sheet cake (or two) to ms. mayer's wedding shower. ms. mayer is the kindergarten teacher and our current nanny (fabulous) --they've invited all of the kids (and parents) from the last 2 years. either way, I'll order the cake/cupcakes, but i may have to get the cake from cosco, which will require a special trip (no one else seems to have rosebud cakes -if needed, see jan for a definition...). cupcakes will likely cost more and be difficult to move, but are easier to serve, especially for almost 1st graders, and don't require plates and forks? i wonder how much a dozen cupcakes costs or even 7 dozen cupcakes... cupcakes always remind me of grandma franson --chocolate. yummm.
at least the wedding shower isn't at my house --i wouldn't sleep for a month!
time for a glass of milk (sans cupcake, unfortunately) and 2 aspirin.
hugs,
sam
-------------
Hi Sam,
I am doing well. Scott is doing fabulous, although dealing with a few medication side effects. It's nothing that can be helped, but hopefully will go away as they reduce the anti rejection drugs.
I think it a good sign that you are worrying over cupcakes. It tells me everything else is pretty close to being OK, or else you'd be worrying about that.
Once, I told my friend that I was glad she was complaining about the neighbor's dog, because that meant her marriage was doing fine. I'm not, perhaps, the most tactful person in the world, because we haven't talked much since. Perhaps, I owe her an apology.
Anyway, I'm not saying you are complaining. I'm just saying it's natural to concentrate on the most pressing issue, and I'm a bit jealous that my most pressing issue isn't transporting cupcakes.
Isn't there another mother going that could help with that? What about Ms. Mayer's mother? I don't think they'd travel well on the roof, but maybe. Hmmmmmm........
Things must be fine here, too, or else I wouldn't be thinking about it. Yes, things are actually going quite well. I think I better try harder to enjoy it. I never know when it will get jerked away. I definitely need to switch to enjoy mode.
loves,
b
Thursday, June 12, 2008
breaded chicken
You can only eat so much breaded chicken, but the food show was great fun for everyone. Scott tuckered after just the first lap, which was fine; we were all stuffed, anyway.
The kids went on with John and Kathy to the Bean Museum. I'm not sure exactly what that is, but hope they were entertained.
I don't have to worry much. The kids have always been easily entertained. Their favorite vacation stop used to be the Blackfoot rest area. We'd use the bathroom, eat snacks, roll down the hill. They were so easy to please; it was often their favorite part of the trip.
This whole last year has been a trip. I feel as though I've lost a year, but gained so much. I wonder what the kids will take away from it; what they consider to be their favorite part; what do they think will happen now?
The kids went on with John and Kathy to the Bean Museum. I'm not sure exactly what that is, but hope they were entertained.
I don't have to worry much. The kids have always been easily entertained. Their favorite vacation stop used to be the Blackfoot rest area. We'd use the bathroom, eat snacks, roll down the hill. They were so easy to please; it was often their favorite part of the trip.
This whole last year has been a trip. I feel as though I've lost a year, but gained so much. I wonder what the kids will take away from it; what they consider to be their favorite part; what do they think will happen now?
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
knock on the woods
Disbelieving, we stood over the flailing boy at our feet. I should've anticipated this; him testing the waters. I wonder if it's his way of asserting, "You've been gone so long. Are the old limits still there? Where do I stand in all this? Do you still love me?" I'm not as irritated, frustrated really, by his tantrum if I think of it in this way, but it also firms me up. I have to switch gears; remember how to be a constant; how to be the mother of a ten year old.
So, in the course of things, we meet other people who have been recently transplanted, beating the same path through the clinic and lab appointments. For some, it seems a contest to prove their journey to have been the most miserable, but everyone wants to know how sick the other person was before they managed to get transplanted; how long they had to wait; how they are recovering. We feel blessed even without the terms of relativity, but it doesn't take much effort to realize how extremely fortunate we are; a year becomes nicer compared to the 4 that man waited, and Scott's recovery, a miraculous cakewalk....... knocking on the woods, because we are not out of them, yet.
It's nice having the kids nearby. I'm grateful to John and Kathy for bringing them. Scott tires quickly, but if we do a little bit everyday I think it will be a pleasant summer. Yesterday, we all went to the "This is The Place" park, followed by dinner at Jan's house. We'll visit them after clinic this afternoon, and meet tomorrow for more activities.
So, in the course of things, we meet other people who have been recently transplanted, beating the same path through the clinic and lab appointments. For some, it seems a contest to prove their journey to have been the most miserable, but everyone wants to know how sick the other person was before they managed to get transplanted; how long they had to wait; how they are recovering. We feel blessed even without the terms of relativity, but it doesn't take much effort to realize how extremely fortunate we are; a year becomes nicer compared to the 4 that man waited, and Scott's recovery, a miraculous cakewalk....... knocking on the woods, because we are not out of them, yet.
It's nice having the kids nearby. I'm grateful to John and Kathy for bringing them. Scott tires quickly, but if we do a little bit everyday I think it will be a pleasant summer. Yesterday, we all went to the "This is The Place" park, followed by dinner at Jan's house. We'll visit them after clinic this afternoon, and meet tomorrow for more activities.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Uh......
I consider it either a very brave, or a very stupid man to say, "You really need some new jeans."
Why? Do these make me look fat?
"Uhhhhh......."
It's true, I will never be mistaken for a fashion diva, or a famous model. I think the best I could hope for, realistically, is the before picture; not that I'm THAT ugly, but I am that normal. And really, I wouldn't have it any other way.
Bill purchased an Indiana Jones lego set for Scott. Between that and the orange creamies, Scott's thrilled.
I'm a bit restless; just waiting; not sure what to do without a crisis. Bill must have sensed this. He showed me how the lawn mower works, and gave me some fixit jobs. At least, things will be busy with the kids here; the summer should fly fast enough, and I guess I do need to go shopping.
"I really don't like jeans with the lines going down."
You mean like the ones I've worn exclusively for two years, now?
"Uhhhhh.........."
Why? Do these make me look fat?
"Uhhhhh......."
It's true, I will never be mistaken for a fashion diva, or a famous model. I think the best I could hope for, realistically, is the before picture; not that I'm THAT ugly, but I am that normal. And really, I wouldn't have it any other way.
Bill purchased an Indiana Jones lego set for Scott. Between that and the orange creamies, Scott's thrilled.
I'm a bit restless; just waiting; not sure what to do without a crisis. Bill must have sensed this. He showed me how the lawn mower works, and gave me some fixit jobs. At least, things will be busy with the kids here; the summer should fly fast enough, and I guess I do need to go shopping.
"I really don't like jeans with the lines going down."
You mean like the ones I've worn exclusively for two years, now?
"Uhhhhh.........."
I Feel Good. Oh I Feel So Good!
I am having a hard time expressing how good I feel. I hope the attached image will help. The left side of the image was taken just before surgery on May 25 and the right side of the image was taken on the morning of May 27.Thank you to all who have blessed our family over this past year. I will always be grateful to my donor family for the gift of life that they gave in a time of such great personal sorrow.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
up, and up, and up
"C! You're supposed to tell grandpa when that happens!" There were other scuffling noises, but I picked up that much over the phone.
So, why is grandma yelling, C?
"Oh, it's just the toilet. The water keeps going up, and up, and up. I don't know why it does that."
The kids are doing fine. I'm sure John and Kathy have it all under control. I can't hardly wait to see them this week.
Scott walked over a mile this afternoon. He's shocked at how good he feels; tires quickly, but feels wonderful. He's felt fatigued for so long; can't wait to see what life holds from here on out.
There's an excitement and light I've not seen in him before; overwhelming; a miracle, really. Things just keep looking up, and up, and up.......... I'm a bit nervous that, perhaps, we're being primed for a plunge, but truly, the tank always fills after the flush. Who am I to complain if the blessings send it to overflowing?
So, why is grandma yelling, C?
"Oh, it's just the toilet. The water keeps going up, and up, and up. I don't know why it does that."
The kids are doing fine. I'm sure John and Kathy have it all under control. I can't hardly wait to see them this week.
Scott walked over a mile this afternoon. He's shocked at how good he feels; tires quickly, but feels wonderful. He's felt fatigued for so long; can't wait to see what life holds from here on out.
There's an excitement and light I've not seen in him before; overwhelming; a miracle, really. Things just keep looking up, and up, and up.......... I'm a bit nervous that, perhaps, we're being primed for a plunge, but truly, the tank always fills after the flush. Who am I to complain if the blessings send it to overflowing?
Saturday, June 7, 2008
terms of relativity
I'm not mocking anyone, really, but I've heard the gist of this hundreds of times:
"..... and then I just think, at least we're not the Franson's, and all my problems get very small. It's so inspiring, thank you."
I guess I tend to do the same thing; think in terms of relativity. I need to be grateful for the problems I have; it could be worse.
See? Look over there. That's worse. I feel so much better.
Seriously, I didn't choose this gig. I didn't work it out. The whole thing has been completely out of my control. Thank the heavens my family has been left intact; that it wasn't you. But, please, don't thank me for having been the worst case scenario to help you feel better. I'm the one thinking, though not maliciously,
"We're all mortal; everybody gets their share........
Just wait; you'll get yours."
Besides, we are not even close to being a worst case scenario. We just found out that Scott's old liver, albeit black/green, and huge, was cancer free......... cancer free. I can't hardly believe it; we're so blessed.
"..... and then I just think, at least we're not the Franson's, and all my problems get very small. It's so inspiring, thank you."
I guess I tend to do the same thing; think in terms of relativity. I need to be grateful for the problems I have; it could be worse.
See? Look over there. That's worse. I feel so much better.
Seriously, I didn't choose this gig. I didn't work it out. The whole thing has been completely out of my control. Thank the heavens my family has been left intact; that it wasn't you. But, please, don't thank me for having been the worst case scenario to help you feel better. I'm the one thinking, though not maliciously,
"We're all mortal; everybody gets their share........
Just wait; you'll get yours."
Besides, we are not even close to being a worst case scenario. We just found out that Scott's old liver, albeit black/green, and huge, was cancer free......... cancer free. I can't hardly believe it; we're so blessed.
Friday, June 6, 2008
a titch
Things are a tad rocky at the very moment. Scott's in a tight bit of pain, but I'm confident that with enough drugs he will once again be a happy camper. Sleep, apparently, is still an issue; since we are not doing anything but waiting for Scott to heal, it shouldn't be a big deal....... 'shouldn't' being the operative word.
I am struggling with gearing out of crisis mode; everything feels like the end of the world, but nothing is really wrong...... at least not with Scott. I need to be careful not to create a crisis to match how I feel, but rather be at peace with the moment; a tough task for someone who has spent the last year anticipating the next crisis. I may not accomplish much, today, but I am working.
Anyway, all's well with just a titch of hell, but it's still much preferred over what it's been.
I am struggling with gearing out of crisis mode; everything feels like the end of the world, but nothing is really wrong...... at least not with Scott. I need to be careful not to create a crisis to match how I feel, but rather be at peace with the moment; a tough task for someone who has spent the last year anticipating the next crisis. I may not accomplish much, today, but I am working.
Anyway, all's well with just a titch of hell, but it's still much preferred over what it's been.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Ravaged
"....and when I woke up, I felt ravaged."
That's exactly what he told the dietitian, but I'm pretty sure he meant ravenous, or famished; since nothing of that sort has gone on at my house for a long time.
Scott being able to taste what he eats, and eat without being nauseous, is as huge a blessing as having the pain under control so he can sleep; what grand luxuries after a year without. He's so grateful, so amazed. It's quite fun to just watch him enjoy every little thing. I lack nothing by the way of entertainment.
If there's any place that Scott needs his taste, it is at Jan's house. She's such a great cook; her egg rolls mmmmmm......... That was a great birthday/re-birthday party, thank you. We have loved it here, thank you.
That's exactly what he told the dietitian, but I'm pretty sure he meant ravenous, or famished; since nothing of that sort has gone on at my house for a long time.
Scott being able to taste what he eats, and eat without being nauseous, is as huge a blessing as having the pain under control so he can sleep; what grand luxuries after a year without. He's so grateful, so amazed. It's quite fun to just watch him enjoy every little thing. I lack nothing by the way of entertainment.
If there's any place that Scott needs his taste, it is at Jan's house. She's such a great cook; her egg rolls mmmmmm......... That was a great birthday/re-birthday party, thank you. We have loved it here, thank you.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
PTD
I'm not crazy. I was feeling crazy, but figured it out: I have post-transplant depression. Post-transplant depression feels exactly like postpartum depression, minus the third day engorgement. I'm so very grateful not to be lactating, but the fatigue is exactly the same; it doesn't matter how much I sleep, I'm still exhausted; noise is amplified; my head hurts; I'd love to just toss the man that kept me up all night out the window.
Once I recognize it for what it is, I can deal with it; stop/drop/roll until it goes away. It always goes away..............
at least I hope it will; after all, this is my first time with PTD...............
please, Lord, let it be the only time with PTD.
It was great fun to go to clinic. Gone are the, "Sucks to be you.", visits; everyone's thrilled to see Scott doing so well. They increased his pain meds; hopefully, we'll get a better grip on that party.
M is at girl's camp. She was so excited to go, she made Kathy drive her to the church early, expecting to be left alone to wait. I would imagine she's well entertained.
I've been talking to N on the phone. She doesn't want Scott's surgical staples as a souvenir; she wants a pet. I told her cats and dogs are out of the question with Scott's transplant (not entirely the truth, but......), so she's exploring the fish tank with bubbles option to go with her frog........ we'll see.
JA just sobs when I talk with him on the phone. My first instinct is to pull him down here with me, but there's no way I can handle anything more than the current bare minimum. Perhaps, a change of scenery would help...... we'll see about that, also.
C is C. She is playing at Malia's, tomorrow. She's pretty easy going; it doesn't take much to keep her happy.
All in all, I think the kids have done pretty well considering the chaos of the last year. I am saving up and looking for a group discount for their therapy. There's been plenty of fuel to warrant it.
I wonder if anyone specializes in post-transplant trauma, PTT.
I wonder if the grandparents will need to get in on those sessions.
Once I recognize it for what it is, I can deal with it; stop/drop/roll until it goes away. It always goes away..............
at least I hope it will; after all, this is my first time with PTD...............
please, Lord, let it be the only time with PTD.
It was great fun to go to clinic. Gone are the, "Sucks to be you.", visits; everyone's thrilled to see Scott doing so well. They increased his pain meds; hopefully, we'll get a better grip on that party.
M is at girl's camp. She was so excited to go, she made Kathy drive her to the church early, expecting to be left alone to wait. I would imagine she's well entertained.
I've been talking to N on the phone. She doesn't want Scott's surgical staples as a souvenir; she wants a pet. I told her cats and dogs are out of the question with Scott's transplant (not entirely the truth, but......), so she's exploring the fish tank with bubbles option to go with her frog........ we'll see.
JA just sobs when I talk with him on the phone. My first instinct is to pull him down here with me, but there's no way I can handle anything more than the current bare minimum. Perhaps, a change of scenery would help...... we'll see about that, also.
C is C. She is playing at Malia's, tomorrow. She's pretty easy going; it doesn't take much to keep her happy.
All in all, I think the kids have done pretty well considering the chaos of the last year. I am saving up and looking for a group discount for their therapy. There's been plenty of fuel to warrant it.
I wonder if anyone specializes in post-transplant trauma, PTT.
I wonder if the grandparents will need to get in on those sessions.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
a new man
Still Scott, but definitely different. He just told me he might take JA fly fishing. Under any other circumstance, I would call 911, "My husband has been possessed by aliens!", because that is so far from his normal.
It's like watching a puppy; I almost expect him to start looking for his tail. Alas, he bounced around the yard a little too hard, and is hurting a terrible lot. He can't contain his joy at feeling wonderful, but I hope he can find a happy medium for healing. Good grief! He just had a liver transplant last week.
He feels like a new man.
I like it.
It's like watching a puppy; I almost expect him to start looking for his tail. Alas, he bounced around the yard a little too hard, and is hurting a terrible lot. He can't contain his joy at feeling wonderful, but I hope he can find a happy medium for healing. Good grief! He just had a liver transplant last week.
He feels like a new man.
I like it.
Monday, June 2, 2008
this wonderful feeling
So, we made it to Jan and Bill's house. I had anticipated this wonderful feeling upon bringing Scott home, but no. I swear, I must have been beaten with an ugly stick, and left for dead. Thrashed and trashed; it's time to shut down.
At least Scott looks and feels great. I'm positive he will be watching movies with Bill, tonight. That's fabulous.
I'm going to bed. Ok, I'll sing praises, and then go to bed.
At least Scott looks and feels great. I'm positive he will be watching movies with Bill, tonight. That's fabulous.
I'm going to bed. Ok, I'll sing praises, and then go to bed.
first week re-birthday
We went to lunch at the Point atop the Huntsman Cancer Clinic to celebrate Scott's first week re-birthday. It was excellent. I love that Scott's appetite is back; he can taste, again; which actually makes the hospital food much worse.
I can't post the pictures Kari took while Scott was in the SICU; first glance sent my head to my knees. I knew I had been comforted, but I hadn't realized how much the Lord had buffered me from the whole experience. It's clearly not something I would normally have been able to handle on my own.
The pictures really are valuable documentation, though. Even the surgeon wants copies of before and after to show other patients what they can expect, but it's not a ride I wish to relive any time soon. Perhaps, I'll be able to handle it after my emotions crawl out of the fetal position.
.....................
Dr Hutson came. We're close to leaving. Scott is practically dancing, he's so giddy. Still waiting for pharmacy and nurse coordinator.
I can't post the pictures Kari took while Scott was in the SICU; first glance sent my head to my knees. I knew I had been comforted, but I hadn't realized how much the Lord had buffered me from the whole experience. It's clearly not something I would normally have been able to handle on my own.
The pictures really are valuable documentation, though. Even the surgeon wants copies of before and after to show other patients what they can expect, but it's not a ride I wish to relive any time soon. Perhaps, I'll be able to handle it after my emotions crawl out of the fetal position.
.....................
Dr Hutson came. We're close to leaving. Scott is practically dancing, he's so giddy. Still waiting for pharmacy and nurse coordinator.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Tomorrow or bust
No discharge; bummer. I can't see how they possibly can keep him, he's doing so well. I guess we still need to go over medications, limitations, contraindications, blah, blah, blah...............
The swelling of various private appendages has gone down a bit, thank goodness. Between that and having all the tubes out, he's pacing much more confidently through the halls.
Fortunately, it also makes it easier to get to the bathroom, which is often since they started the diuretic. They must be expecting a lot of fluid since they have put three urinals by the toilet. Perhaps, they want him to shoot for a hospital record; longest pee.
Overall, a pleasant day; fun visitors, good food (thanks, Julie), a nice nap. I'm exhausted, but excited for tomorrow.............. Oh, tomorrow or bust.
Special thanks for all the fasting and prayers.
The swelling of various private appendages has gone down a bit, thank goodness. Between that and having all the tubes out, he's pacing much more confidently through the halls.
Fortunately, it also makes it easier to get to the bathroom, which is often since they started the diuretic. They must be expecting a lot of fluid since they have put three urinals by the toilet. Perhaps, they want him to shoot for a hospital record; longest pee.
Overall, a pleasant day; fun visitors, good food (thanks, Julie), a nice nap. I'm exhausted, but excited for tomorrow.............. Oh, tomorrow or bust.
Special thanks for all the fasting and prayers.
Holy Cow!
"She's been miserable. She had 10 surgeries in 2005 to keep her from going blind. Last year she had a kidney transplant. How sick was your husband?" Her daughter had received the pancreas. We met in the hall.
He was dying.
He really was dying, and now........ wow. The contrast is so extreme, the last year feels like a book I might have read in high school; just wisps; I can't hardly remember it. To think he might be discharged, today. Holy Cow!
He was dying.
He really was dying, and now........ wow. The contrast is so extreme, the last year feels like a book I might have read in high school; just wisps; I can't hardly remember it. To think he might be discharged, today. Holy Cow!
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