pathetic

So, anyone who doesn't know me well might have said, "Wow. She's on the verge. Oh, make that over the edge." But my dearest friends will note that it was an improvement over last time. For me to actually say the prayer even though there was cry/snot running down my face, instead of just leaving the pulpit sobbing, is huge.

I don't actually have a fear of speaking in public. It's more a phobia of being emotionally out of control in public. Unfortunately, most everything discussed in church is near and dear to my heart, and the harder I fight not to be emotional, the worse it is. I'm pale and in tears before I even say anything. Pathetic.

Today, Scott worked hard to be a person in spite of feeling really awful. We hosted dinner with our parents and went to a birthday party at my sister's house. He did a great job.

I hauled him to town for labs, tonight. Hopefully, we will be ahead of the game when I call SLC in the morning. With so much pain and his color a more intense yellow, who knows what they will say. He doesn't want to go for any reason other than transplant, but I don't know how much more sick is tolerable.